With my music blaring and the bus wriggling its mass along the downtown roads, I noticed a young woman, maybe 20 years old, talking on her cell phone. She had that fake orange tan like she'd been somewhere exotic for months, and bleached blonde hair, with noticeable brown roots. Sure, any guy would go for her, and that would be it. Most times I just glanced over people on the bus, but there was something peculiar about her.
I turned down my tribute-worthy blessings and listened to this lady's conversation, despite the fact I knew I was eavesdropping. Her shocked red face, wide bloodshot eyes, and exasperated tone was enough to tell me sh
When The Music Stops
12 strikes and I'm awake,
The sense of overwhelming uncertainty infiltrated my brain.
What I had seen in my sleep,
What had happened in my dream,
What was soon to come.
I retreated to my mechanical sanctuary.
Still uncertain in this blood curdling, spine twitchingly cold hallows eve night.
The jacket in the back made up for the broken heater,
Not too effectively, but in these last moments, it'll suffice.
With the bittersweet smell of chemical exhaust and a hesitant radio,
I was off on my midnight appointment.
So call me stoic,
I knew what I was doing,
As always.
The dashboard clock read 12:37 and it did
In times before, it meant having a choice,
But lately this choice is less of which it used to be.
It's hardly a choice when you're forced to take one for your favored party;
Voting for a gossiped Vietnam informer or a Christian with a speech impediment.
Both ignoring controversies over life's issues,
And both tainted by childish antics and mudslinging of their past attempts.
This so called 'election' tires our mental abilities far more than needed.
Voting for some one you despise because the other disgusts you even more shouldn't be defined as a 'choice'.
Now the only patriotic ones are the martyrs sacrificing themselves over a fool's
She lets that moment sink in,
Just before the next move.
She waits for a simple reply,
Even though he has no idea what to say.
She glances at a pair of green eyes,
Just for some eye contact.
And She prolongs each conversation,
Even though she was supposed to leave 5 minutes ago.
She lives for any extra time they could get to see each other,
Even though she refrains from that ice rink.
She tells him how adorable he really is,
Just because she really thinks so.
She envies every beautiful woman,
Even though he says she's beautiful the way she is.
And She stares down every other slut that tries to make a move,
Just because
I have an uncertain mind,
With uncertain ideas
Uncertain infatuations,
Uncertain intentions,
And uncertain infections.
I'm in an uncertain world,
With an uncertain situation,
That's for certain.
People wonder why I hit my head on things, but it's really just to stop the throbbing of my brain from their petty excuses and ideas that I don't give a shit about.
I wish I knew what it was like to not be a suggestion box.
I wish I knew what it was like to not be disappointed by people on a daily basis.
I wish I knew what it was like to have a person that knew when to talk and when not to,
And what to say and what not to say.
I wish I knew what it was like to not have friends, or to just have a few.
I wish in knew what it was like to go somewhere, and not worry about someone else.
I wish I knew what relaxing was.
I wish I knew what
It's hell to feel and not believe in anything,
Speaking without thinking,
Thinking without coherent thoughts,
Thoughts that aren't pertinent at all,
I can't hear the words they say,
Or comprehend the thought,
Of something being impossible or unable to happen,
Beliefs turn into opinions that ramble through my mouth,
Sometimes open-ended or unfinished.
I hate my father,
The one that gave me my stubbornness,
But the one that I loathe the most of all,
To him my dreams are unable to be done or accomplished,
He's conservative, racist and can't let you have one moment of glory,
Nothing is enough,
The more problems I find,
The more he
Biting the nail and skin,
Out of habit,
Out of haste,
Out of nothing,
With the remaining love that I once should have given,
But kept through doubt,
All the cold I've spent,
But never run out of.
The fast breathing,
The paralizement,
The shock,
The beginning of the end,
Fears encompassing powers beyond my own,
Free doesn't seem so free anymore,
Seems as the worst will be over,
And I'll never get to take a breath and let it out.
The tears I've cried,
But never fully shed,
The blood that I've bled,
Without fully bleeding,
And the ever haunting thought,
That tomorrow's just another yesterday.
I can't feel anything,
My hands are twitching,
My head is pounding,
And I can hear my heartbeat through my
throbbing ears.
I think I'm slipping away,
Into the dark,
Into the cold,
My wrists are still bleeding,
As is my heart.
My heart is the only one in pain,
The only thing feeling more than just the cold,
Feeling the hate, anger, and disgust I have for you,
And the love I once had with you.
I'm lying on the floor,
Cradled in the dark,
Looking at my sharp savior lying on the bathroom
floor,
It's freeing me from my pain, but also my sanity.
I can't see though I know
These days come to weeks,
These weeks turn to months,
These months make years and years,
Years I've wasted over.
Spent with
Doubt,
Unwillingness,
Caution,
Apprehensiveness.
Years I've hidden in.
Covered with
Lies,
Sarcasm,
Treason,
Detraction.
Always believing that there's something more,
Something unfinished,
Something unsolved,
Something undone,
Something to figure out,
Something left.
The lingering thoughts dwell inside my head,
Day in and day out,
Week after week,
Months to months,
And without warning,
It's a new year.
Another spent,
Another expired,
Another lost,
And a brand new beginning.
Don't say my name,
Don't remember me,
Keep me in the closet,
Silent as can be.
Don't grab my hand,
Don't smile at me,
Quit asking me questions,
Just leave me be. Oh…
Take my hand,
Away from your heart,
Slit my throat,
And leave me in the dark. I said…
Take my hand,
Away from your heart,
Slit my wrists,
And leave me in the dark.
I can hear you calling now,
You may never leave,
So scream at me,
Until my ears bleed.
I hear the begging words,
They bring me to my knees,
Now all I ask,
Can you hear my silent screams? So…
Take my hand,
Away from your heart,
Slit my throat,
And leave me in the dark. I said…
Take my hand,
The time came.
The time I had to tell you,
I couldn't pretend anymore,
And that I was an idiot.
I was afraid of your reaction.
The things you would say,
The things you would think,
The things you would do.
I thought through it.
I exaggerated things,
Then I assumed,
And then I underestimated you.
I sat there perplexed.
Waiting for a reply,
Waiting for a response,
And I got the unexpected.
You responded as nothing was wrong.
You acted like nothing had happened,
You joked about it after words,
And you forgave me for my lie.
I only laugh because,
I know I would cry,
And I only listen because,
I know I can't be heard.
No one knows me,
They may know my name,
But no one really knows me,
Not me at all really.
I know everyone,
I know things about them,
I know where they've gone,
And I know what they did.
I'm the kid that knows everyone,
I don't have designated friends,
I've lived in the same town since I was born,
So how could I not?
I don't trust anyone,
I don't cling to one group,
I don't stay in-touch with very many people,
And I'm used to saying goodbye.
I am a drifter.
Nothing less,
Nothing more,
And this I remain.
Always,
And forever.
The Dutch Underground
Although the Dutch despised Nazism, the Netherlands were neutral throughout the World War II. Their government was forced to surrender after the Nazi invasion and controlled by a Nazi governor, who only accepted the Nazi party. Practically all Dutch immediately rejected the idea of Nazism and its new occupiers ("The Home Front" 65). This resulted to 50 to 60 thousand people directly being involved in resistance with hundreds offering assistance (http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/netherlands.html). Few were active resistors, but it was the mass opinion ("The Home Front" 66). The Dutch Underground used resistance effective
Current Residence: Kansas Favourite style of art: Photography Operating System: Windows XP Wallpaper of choice: One with a messy collage. Personal Quote: So call me emotionally stoic.
I'm sorry I never done this, but I should have.
http://bekwaam.deviantart.com
I made a new site on there on a different account. I told all i thought would care.
This site has been unvisited since about november or december. It's April 3rd. Sorry for the delay.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS SITE HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY CANCELLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 6th: It's my birthday. I'm finally fifteen and sill looking 16 and still growing more mature everyday.
Following things I got this week for the birthday:
A potato- thomas
A car freshner- ben
monte cristo DVD- stace
2 pair o' drum sticks- davy
a desk- mama
underworld poster- kateh
elf DVD and a load of random candy- nick